Love Never Did Run Smooth
by C.Rara
Summary: Crack!Pairings..Homicidal!Myrtle, Promiscuous!Hermione, Jealous!Dumbledore, Loveick!Snape, Incest, slash, pretty much everything I promised myself i would never read and i now have written a story about it...its not a serious story peoplejust a bit of fun


_**I don't support barely any of these ships btw. **_

_**It's just that as I was sitting at my desk, trying to write another chapter for Justified Jealousy-which I will be updating soon-and I recommend all to read it. I suddenly though-wouldn't it be funny to see the Harry potter fans reaction if on the last few pages of book 7 it actually turned out that Harry potter was gay and in love with Voldemort-as it would give the story a rather **_**ironic **_**twist, wouldn't it?**_

Love Never Did Run Smooth

_Wouldn't it be funny, if Harry was in love with L.V_

Harry turned to face his nemesis-Lord Voldemort-his eyes blazing; he tried to open his mouth to cast that spell, the one would ensure the safety of the wizarding world, but found he couldn't do it. Throwing down his wand, he whispered, "I love you."

Lord Voldemort gulped, and turned his head away, for he could not return the affections, as he was in love with another. But he did not scorn the poor boy, for he knew only too well of the pain, when the person you cherished with all your heart, loved another. For you see, Lord Voldemort was in love with Serverus Snape.

Snape knew of his master's more-than-friends feelings for him, but he couldn't return them, his love had always been for that red-headed beauty Lily, who had unfortunately decided to marry James, who could never love her as much as Serverus did-or at least, that was what he constantly told himself. Little did he know, that his master was not the only person who loved him, Regulus tried as hard as he could to ignore the way his heart skipped every time Snape entered the room, but it was too difficult, and, upon seeing that Serverus would never be his, he fled and perished in the wilderness.

The news of his brother's death tore Sirius's heart out completely. He had always been told incest was wrong, so very, very wrong, so why had it felt so right that time they kissed? Sirius needed to talk to somebody, to share his emotions, and so he turned to his friend (and occasional shag) Remus Lupin. But Remus didn't know what to say, and so he went to Dumbledore-for he always seemed to know what to do to make somebody feel better.

Alas, Dumbledore could not help, however, as he "was not the person to go to if faced with messy love lives" (he had a bad history-shall I tell you about it? Hmm, oh yes, lets.) A long time ago, Albus Dumbledore and Gelert Grindewald just passed each other as they both made their way too/from Godrics Hallow-and it was love at first sight. From that day on, they couldn't be separated (much to the dismay of Albus's brother, Aberforth-who had also taken a liking too old Gelert.) However, one day, Albus made the terrible mistake of bringing him to Hogwarts (this was some 30 or so years later mind) where Gelert met the much-discussed Minerva McGonagall. She was unaware of any relationship between Grindewald and Dumbledore, and soon her and Gelert were planning to run away together, why would they need money when they could survive on love? But Albus Dumbledore overheard their plans, and with a war cry-chased Grindewald out of the school, and never stopped until he finally beat the man who had broken his heart. But soon after, Albus and Minerva became 'the couple of the year,' Aberforth married his goat-Gertrude and therefore everyone was happy-well, you know, except Grindewald, because he was sitting in a stinking prison, with no girlfriend, or boyfriend…heck, he didn't even have a _goat_ to elope with!

But back to our original story – I bet you also thought you knew the real reason why Sirius hated Peter so much, right? Because he betrayed Lily and James, yeah? (Well, all right, I admit, Sirius did find that somewhat bothersome but…) The real reason he tried to kill Peter is because he discovered, that Peter was carrying Regulus's baby-after a night of meaningless (but completely unprotected) sex. Well, we all presumed it was Regulus's, but considering he had an abortion anyway, we can't be completely sure, I mean, it might've been Lucius's. After all, Peter obviously fancied him, and a guy who wears bows in his hair (his long, waist-length BLONDE hair-I'm telling ya, he's just _asking_ to be called Goldilocks) and gets his nails done and could easily be nicknamed 'Lucy' cannot be 100 straight, it's just not possible!

Lucius would never admit anything of course, as he was betrothed to Narcissa. But even she knew about his wanderings into both of her other sisters bedrooms. Not that she cared much, she much preferred her brother-in-law Rodolphus (and occasionally Rabastan) Lestrange when it came to the bedroom!

Going back to Harry Potter, when he realised he could never be with Voldemort-as there was too many obstacles in the way, he moved his affections to dear old Ronald, who was besotted with Hermione.

Hermione, resigned to the fact that JK would eventually pair her off with Ron, she decided to get her kicks while she still could. So she slept around with…Seamus, Terry Boot, Oliver Wood, Rodger Davies, Krum, Blaise Zabini, Crabbe and Goyle (both at the same time which gives the reader very disturbing mental images-infact, we believe the poor first year who accidentally walked in on them is still having Therapy in St.Mungos,) Draco, Malfoy, Theodore Nott, to be honest the list of boys in endless…nearly as long as the list of girls! (Joke)

So you see, Harry only really started dating Ginny, so that he could get even closer to Ron (it really was a sneaky plan-he would've done well in Slytherin, of course it didn't actually work, because he already was close with Ron but. whatever!)

Ginny didn't notice any of this however, because she was too busy hating on Fleur because she had chosen her brother Bill, over her. Bill only liked her for her looks, anyway. HE wanted her little sister, Gabrielle, but he knew about morals-well some of them-so he was waiting for her to become of age, at which time he was hoping Charlie would sweep Fleur of her feet, leaving Bill a free man for Gabrielle.

This plan backfired though, because soon Charlie fell for Nymphadora Tonks, who in actual fact wanted to bed Remus (see, this story does vaguely interlink) A lot of the Weasley's were taken with Tonks, Fred and George both liked her too. However, they settled for Angelina and Alicia-who didn't really care they were only second best because they were involved in a pretty-messy love triangle with Katie, who couldn't decide between them or Lee.

Lee was an absolute man-whore who had sex with all of the girls at school (and even a few of the younger female-teachers!) However, after accidentally getting Pansy Parkinson pregnant-therefore causing her to commit suicide and jump in front of the Hogwarts express-he felt very bad and decided to become a monk. Oh, wait, hang on-news has just come in-it says here, that his application form was not to be a 'monk' but a 'monkey' apologies for that mistake. All amended now.

Colin Creevey took to pornography until one day he got a job as a photographer for a …er…'top shelf' magazine-which starred Lavender Brown and the Patil Twins as the main..erm…attraction!

After all this, Neville was the only guy from 6thyear+ who was still a virgin. A fact that annoyed Luna greatly as she was desperate for some action- her last shag with Ron Weasley (who she so obviously likes to begin with) had been less than brilliant-true she had drugged him at the time but…

So anyway, Luna dumped Neville and went to the Ravenclaw tower to try and find some chocolate, only to find Cho Chang sitting in one of the armchairs, sobbing. This was a common occurrence nowadays but still, Luna felt it obligatory to try and be nice. Except Cho took it the wrong way and tried to capture Luna's lips with her own, but Luna backed away, explaining that she was only being friendly and that she had just broke up with her BOYfriend because she liked BOYS.

Distraught, Cho raced up to the astronomy tower, preparing herself to jump out of the top window, except she chickened out, just at the last moment. Suddenly, however, Moaning Myrtle appeared from behind her, laughing hysterically like a mad woman, and pushed her out the window. (I'm entirely sure HOW, considering she is a ghost and all, but by George she did it!) For you see, Moaning Myrtle was supposed to be the moping, moaning, wailing utterly depressed girl that everyone hates-and Cho was stealing her thunder.

* * *

Voldemort suddenly stopped and turned to Dumbledore.

"YOOOOOOUUUUUUU" he screeched

"Me?" replied Dumbledore

"You said love would save you all-HA! A bunch of good it has done you!"

Dumbledore just smiled serenely for a moment-then whipped off his clothes and blew Voldemort a kiss. LV simply died on the spot.

"You see, dear children," said Dumbledore-putting his clothes back on "love is the most dangerous weapon of all"

Harry ran in whinging "But I'm supposed to save the world, me! Its not faaaair!" Until Moaning Myrtle got fed up with someone trying to take over her job…again and so she stabbed him to death with a fork. Then Moaning Myrtle was presented a plaque for 'services to the school' for getting rid of the two most annoying brats Hogwarts has ever seen!

The End!

**Reviews would be lovely. I am expecting a few flames, admittedly. Its not the best story i've ever written-actually its not much of a story but even so...au revoir mes amis!**


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